Last thing that i had from you

you know that i love you so much. but im so foolish to accept the fact that you are through of me.. kin, you told me to hold on to you even you pushed me aways. but enough is enough. i really cant stand being hurt like this. all the memories that i had from you, i wish that i cound keep it. but i need to move on and stop this feelings. sorry for all the shit-full things i did.. i need to forget all about you i need to forget you. Dang, you are the most hardest person to forget.. moving on.

Single: new chapter in life

Its hard to imagine the 3 years gone by and everything turned out wrong. Yes it hurt. It really hurts. I want to cry so hard. I really need someone to stay by my side. It hurts to feel alone again. I do not mat to see his face again, I do not want to hear his voice again. With a million of break up he did to me, i became heartless person. I cannot laugh easily. I don’t even know who I am today. I beg of him not to come back  to ease this pain. Its really hard, I know its really hard. However I also know that by doing this, I will be what I used to be. I need to regain myself again. I need to stand strong. even though i am so weak inside. I want to give up, but my mom’s been telling me i am her only hope. so now I need to stay firm form myself, and for my mom. 

I WANT TO BE LOVE TWICE AS MUCH I LOVE HIM

who would not want love that can give you all.

it is the midst of what you are.

it had the worse and the worst part.

may the lord shine down on me.

People just don’t want to stop

 

I so tired and sick of all of them. Granting they are new for me but i still feel unfitted in this situation. Where i am is not i want to be. It is so frustrating to be in this situation which i had chosen. I really don’t like to be here any more. I just want to be HOME. My sister is right. I will be stuck and could not express the real me because i have to assimilate on everybody. The attitudes are so unreal. The traits are so lousy. The doings are so pathetic. Lazy, slow, immature, worthless happy-go-luck people— and i hate it. they just blab on everything with out thinking of anything. Hopping here and there. running here and there, chit chat here and there. and I am so fed up with it. I just can not take it anymore. Frustration, indecency, won’t just find me. I am all hands up. To him to her to anyone. It annoys me to the extent that it make me fell on the worse part of me. I am shattered and tearing apart. I do not even know myself. I became less and less like me. I am an honored person at the young age but now, i am so worthless. I am a self reliant person but now, I am all out of it. i could take all my resource all together but  now, i am so stuck up. I transcend to something more that bring out the real me but now i am stationary in where i am now. I am hoping that i could be what i use to be and be what i just wish myself to be. and grow to my own means without frustrations and regrets. they will not just say “hey! come and join us”, but i most likely want to say “hey! come and join me”. I want to be the factor of all. I have different point of view into my life. I am raised in the different culture. I am more that this than that. I am more to myself jurisdiction that to general jurisdiction. I want to be me. and i hate them for making me NOT ME.

LJ + RA = Riot LARJ

see us? we are the best buds. people most of the time misunderstand us but hell with them. As long as we are know that we don’t do anything against morality. he is a butch i am a girl. so what?. why can’t i be befriend with her? i accept her of who she is, what she is and what she is not. I will always be there for her like she’d been there for me.. she is my best friend in this generation. of course i  have  other best friend and they will also remain my best friends. I love this kid, he became my instant sister/ brother. my 2 in one sibling.. lol.  and my special one..

Let’s make a scenario

“Im a little bit worried not for him but for ME.”

Lovers that never been not together exceeding 3 days.

Time flies by and it is the time that they are going to separate. If you were the leading character in the story would you ever let yourself be away from him for a week for 4 months?

If i were in the leading role, I can not bare leaving or not seeing my love one even for just a day how much more a week?

 

hmmm think think think…

I could, come by and visit him just to see his face or him see my face.

I could just be with him on the mobile phone every now and then so that he will not miss me.

 

But on the contrary, if i will be that obsesses towards him he will think that i am chocking him or grabbing his freedom. Will i be just let it be and just wait for him? but you know what I could be the worst, if it really hurts not to be with you for that whole week I really don’t know what kind of person I would turn out to be. I want to forget him for only that days but i am so afraid that i will adapt that act till i will be independent again and just ignore him..

This is my best Choice, yet

Hi, here i am again ventilating things that really bugs me as hell. Twice the pain that was cost to me. Even just for they are only my friends they stab me tot he deepest of my emotion and sanity.

How will you know that a person is really your friend? How would you ever know if they are true to you? how will you ever know if she/he is the kind of friend that will never turn their backs against you? How would you ever know? how would you ever apprehend the things that thought it was the right for you?

Facts about me:

I am the kind of friend that will be there for you always. I am the kind of friend that will truly support you in every way, nether the less if it can’t benefit you. I will will always be a shoulder for you to lean on and cry on. I will be your blanket to protect you. I am a truly sincere to every aspect of my concern. My motif is to make you happy and make you free of harm. I could say harsh to you just to reflect you to the bad things and attitudes that you are and were doing. Things sometime could odd but initially I am always her to to be you friend in all means.

My problem that really bugs me:

I got this friend/classmate, actually she was younger than me. I am 22, she was 17 at that time, but 18 right now. She has this sharp mouth that everyone around her including me are annoyed by her. I confronted their primary group of friends that they have to minimize the way they talk about people, particularly the words that she speaks. I told them in a nice way that they have to control what they are speaking, control minding other people business because who knows what can it turn out. They could stomp on a person who has greater attitude than them. As an older sister in the class I am also looking out for the safety of my younger classmates. And at that time my mom was planning to transfer me to batanggas where i will continue my 2nd year in BS in Nursing. I was like, having this great patience but to my limit it really erupted. I really don’t have anything charisma, light feeling, enjoying days with them. I feel like i am always in this dark cave where i am looking only with rocky wall, no feelings at all, blah. They are  this sharp, stiff, rough, and uneven texture that one’s you got contact on them with impact you will hurt yourself. Those people that i have mentioned are the  rocky wall. everything about them are same as the rocky wall. That is why i independently choose to transfer to other section. I am glad of what i did. I am now loving my section D. I love my classmates. Everyone is a friend of everyone. There are groupings in my current section but then everyone is friendly unlike section B. Grouped and had their own world. I really don’t know to whom to believed with.

Haaaaa.. at least i am out from section B. I don’t want to deal with then no more. Nor talk to them nor seeing them. I really really hate them.